A few years ago, a friend of mine was pondering the implications for professional sports, should the owner of the Washington Redskins – then under pressure from the government as well as others to change his team’s name – elect to take a knee to the tumult.
“A decent respect for the opinions of sports fans, moral busybodies, and gadflies everywhere,” my friend said, “suggests that we give appropriate consideration to what other teams should be penalized for their nominal insensitivity.” (He talks like that.)
“We’re not talking just the obvious, lingering offenders,” he said, citing the Atlanta Braves, the Cleveland Indians, the Chicago Blackhawks, the Golden State Warriors, the Edmonton Eskimos. “Should our culture be tacitly endorsing the violence implied by the nommes de guerre of the Minnesota Vikings, the Las Vegas Raiders, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the L.A. Clippers?”
Uh-oh. I could tell he was warming to his subject.
“Can we really abide the political insinuations of the Ottawa Senators, the Sacramento (and L.A.) Kings, the Kansas City Royals, the New England Patriots, and the Cincinnati Reds? (Or is the latter just more implicit race-baiting?) Should we ignore the casual bigotry of the Vancouver Canucks and the Milwaukee Bucks? The unfortunate spelling of the Montreal Canadiens?”
Didn’t want the man to strain himself. “How ‘bout them Cubs?” I asked, helpfully.
“That’s true!” my friend said. “Surely the folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals must have concerns about the Cincinnati Bengals and the Philadelphia Eagles (endangered species), or the Denver Broncos and the Miami Marlins (abused by cowboys and fishermen).”
“I think you’re stretching things,” I said. That brought him up short.
“Aren’t the San Francisco Giants offending little people?” he demanded. “Should the NBA hoi polloi have to put up with Cleveland’s Cavalier attitude? Must Georgia pacifists be forced to watch Atlanta Hawks?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake …”
“You’re right!” he said, hand flying to his forehead. “We must purge the religious fundamentalism that overshadows the play of the San Diego Padres, the Anaheim Angels, the New Orleans Saints. Not to mention the subtle Catholicism of the Arizona and St. Louis Cardinals. Will the embarrassments never end?”
In fact, they have not, as the headlines and cable news anchors tell us. I begin to see my friend as a prophet without honor – and to wonder if all this un-naming names can long be constrained to sports culture.
CNN is suggesting that we must do away with terms like “master bedroom” and “blacklists.” Come to think of it, should college and university students have to accept “grants?” Should woke women be nibbling at Sara “Lee?” Do we really want our children playing with “Teddy” bears? Our men using “Wilson” sporting equipment?
Already, cries go forth to re-title St. Louis, whose name was inspired by a man charged with committing the current cardinal sin. As St. Louis goes, so inevitably must go St. Paul, St. Augustine, the St. Lawrence River, San Francisco, and Santa Fe.
Never mind Mount Rushmore and the monuments. What are we to do about Jefferson City, Missouri? Lincoln, Nebraska? The state of Washington? Or, for that matter – Washington, D.C.?
And what about all those racist faces on our money?
And what to do once winter returns, and we’re faced with nature’s own systematic racism ... snow?
Not to worry. Global warming will take care of that.
Kommentare